all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
this hospital has no fireball
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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