I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
