Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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