I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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