and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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