he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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