First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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