Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How external is "for external use only"?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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