I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
