Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
