Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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