Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
