he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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