I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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