Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
