Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
