I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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