She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
