remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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