I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
