your room smells of hookers.
And success
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
