i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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