At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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