you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jerry, you need to find god
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
