So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
