dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your penis caused this!
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