I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
