we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
