RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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