sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
