May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
