I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
