so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
