maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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