I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
