She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
