Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
MIDGETS
????
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
