Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
