it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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