It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
