He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
