She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
