I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
