Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
