Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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