i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
