Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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