Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
