You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
