life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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