Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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