arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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