But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
