I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The Olympian is in my bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
