I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
