Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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