Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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